What's the Best Swine Flu Immunity?

Hey, I'm no doctor. But I'm going to say this anyway. There is a LOT of talk right now about the pros and cons of getting a swine flu shot.

What if we put our attention on staying healthy rather than preventing illness?

What would happen if most of our news and information was about all the great ways we could stay healthy and we all focused on that?

Here are a few tips I've learned recently for good health*:

Take Vitamin D3. If you have sufficient Vitamin D3 levels, your chance of getting sick goes way down.

Get probiotics in your diet. That's yogurty stuff and there's also the supplement form. I don't know much more about the details here. But probiotics help keep the flora well-balanced in our gut so our digestive system stays nice and healthy which = higher immunity system.

Stay hydrated. Yes, it's still about 8 glasses of water a day and drink the first one upon waking.

Sleep. Make it sacred. If it's a choice between working out and sleep, pick sleep as a default.

Don't forget to laugh. And breathe. And do the things you like to do. And play. Be creative.

Very few things in life are as serious as doing the things that keep you feeling whole, healthy and relational.

Here's to thinking about how to BE HEALTHY rather than preventing illness.

*Thanks to Dr. Mark Adams of onvo for the great health tips.

Be a Quitter

“I don’t want to be a quitter.”

It’s the American rally cry. To quit is to be weak, a loser, a person of questionable moral fiber. And so we stay in the job, in the same types of relationships, we do the same sports, read the same books and carry on in the same way of thinking -- even after any of these may have stopped working for us.

And of course there are all kinds of positives about sticking with it during tough times. However -- what about the times when quitting might be the best thing to do?

Maybe our resistance started when we were young kids doing a sport or playing an instrument we hated but our parents said, “You’re not going to be a quitter.” But what if you had quit the swim team or piano lessons, the scout group or dance classes and instead found that you liked tennis, writing or calculating quadratic equations?

Seth Godin writes about the joy of quitting which gets the ball rolling on this topic.

With that in mind, the question here is:

Is there anything that you could quit – or let’s say RELEASE – that would let you discover something you’d rather do?

Is there something you could let go of that would make you breathe more easily and add a spring in your step and give you a bit of an excited rev in your engine to go forth and manifest?

It can take a lot of courage and discernment to be a quitter.

Letting go and being open to the faith of new possibilities takes balls.

Also, giving yourself the space to leave may give you the moxie to jump in and try new things. You don't have to be imprisoned by sticking with it if it continues to be unfruitful and sucky. We're not suffer-mongerers here!

So, with all this in mind –- how can releasing a person, place, thing or behavior make your life even better?

What Happened to Those Old Ambitions?

New buds on a mature plant. POP POP!

Lately, I hear people talk about motivation levels. How they feel low, stuck, muddled, and in some cases, abandoned by the old fire of days past. And who are we when our old familiar ambitions leave us? Of course there could be many reasons for low motivation, everything from being in a personal mojo descendent (my term for a natural tide of quieter energy); you may need more protein or iron pills or sleep or a new fall goal or some cold-weather strategies. Or maybe it's something else--

What if your ambitions are changing?

Hey, it happens. And it can sneak up on you slowly or just feel like it all hits you in one fell swoop. I experienced this in my late 30's. My old self-focused and career-fueled ambitions were gone and there I was left dangling: a bit dazed, confused and as a result, stuck. (Note: when you feel stuck think of it as a feeling, not necessarily the truth.)

In my experience, motivation drops can go like this: One minute you're enjoying the high tides of ambitions that are focused on career, athletics, child-raising, creative projects and then, kaput. It's like someone turned out the lights on your house of motivation. And you could be left feeling, well, let's pull out those great judgment words: lazy, unmotivated, unambitious, stuck, blue, alienated -- like a nice good-ol' fashion loser, watching everyone race on by you to beautiful places.

Here's my take on Ambitions: They have to change. And they can change suddenly and profoundly (life themes) and in small daily life ways (like reading or cooking). And in order to pick up on the change and act on them, things have to slow down. You have to make the space to reflect, accept and carry on with new and more better-suited ambitions. And hey -- they may be broader and vaster ones too. That's good, right?

So, here's a way to reframe things:

If you feel stuck or unmotivated and all the self-doubt and nasty gollum voices are coming over to have a nice big party at your place, don't give in. Instead, consider this:

Are your ambitions shifting?

And if so, what are the opportunities available to you now?

How can you harness all that delicious curiosity you have to explore this passage of time and see what you find?

It could be that your so-called lack of motivation is your body sending you a message to slow down, look up and move through the world with fresh eyes. Life in your body may not feel super comfortable right now but hang in there. This space may be one of preparation as you enter a new life space that is wonderful and new.

And keep your eye out for your new ambitions.

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How do you deal with change?

Winter snaggle-puss apple tree, and the same transforming one on the right--from death to life in two seasons!

"You must change your life," Rilke wrote in his poem The Archaic Torso of Apollo.

For some reason I keep hearing this line in my head, "You must change your life" -- like a seasonal leitmotif. Maybe it's reminding me of my 2009 theme: Everything has to be different.

At this point, there's no going back. Change has happened, it still is, it's been exciting and it's hurt like a muthu, too. We've all heard it millions of times: human beings + change = tantrumy relationship. That's the beautiful struggle of it all.

Love it or hate it: Change is inevitable.

How you deal with change is in your control -- and it's not.

Here's some information that could help.

Everyone relates to change differently because of how they're wired.  This is something I learned at coaching school, and it helped me accept my relationship with change, a lot.

Maybe it will illuminate something and help you, too.

So, to start: Think of a continuum or a line that represents sameness and change. Sameness is on the far left, Change-o-rama is on the far right. Now remember that each of us can move along it like a skater. But we are more anchored to one area of this continuum.

1. At the far left are personalities who Prefer Life to Remain the Same  (5 - 10% of the population) These people love the status quo and are most comfy when things remain the same: same city, same partner, same job, same friends, same hair cut, same vacation spots. They want the song to remain the same and are likely to lose their footing when change comes visiting unexpectedly. However, every body clock needs a bit of mixing up. These folks run on a change clock of about 10 years.  This is the amount of time it takes before someone will say Enough already, time to try something new.

2. In the middle of this change continuum are those who Prefer Life to have a Familiar Sameness but With Some Diversity and Improvement  (65% of the population). In other words, these folks like to hang with what's familiar and known, but with their aims also fixed on improving and developing the status quo. They like a bit of change here and there but not too much or too often. They are adaptable but don't push it, baby. Their change clock is on a 3 - 7 year cycle.

3. And off to the right are, well, let's call them the Change Junkies (25% of the population). These types really like the turnstyles to keep moving. They like newness and going into jobs where they can make a difference with their new ideas, and when they've arrived at their goals, they're outta there -- on to the next thing. Their change cycle is on a clock of 1 - 2 years.

All of us indentifies with one of these change-relationship styles the most. There's nothing to judge here, neither style is better than the other, it just is.

But understanding where you fall on this change/sameness continuum might help you  accept the way you deal with change and move through life's thresholds and transitions (or wrestle through them as many of us do).

I, for one, am a bit of a change junky. I used to feel like a flake, like I couldn't commit, I had ADD etc etc, whip, flog, hair shirt. The longest job I've held is four years and every fall I want to throw out last fall's clothes like a snake shedding skin. And  to know it's just how I'm wired, BOY, easy breathing. And now I can make decisions that support this personality type rather than, well, buy more hair shirts and flogging toys. (I should add, I can make the change, but the change itself still makes me go EEK.)

On another note, I have a friend who needs a long time to process a change like a new job or a move, and she has been known to talk and think a change through for years before jumping. Because change is scary! But she accepts it as part of her way. She's saved a lot of money on hair shirts over the years, let me tell you, the clever minx.

And where do you see yourself here?

How can this information support you as change rolls  in and out of your life? Whether it comes uninvited or you go running toward it. And sometimes it comes clanging down like a lightning bolt. Ouch.

Yes, change is inevitable. And Rilke is right, you must change your life. That's the flow of all existence.

So how are you going to take on the next change that comes your way?

Because it's comin' for you -- for all of us. And thank god for that.

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Do you have undiscovered gifts?

Many people are floating around a bit these days. A lot of questions in the air: What should I do with my life now? What kind of work could I do next?

Could I have possibly have undiscovered gifts and talents waiting to come bursting out anew?

Probably not.

And it's a good thing, I say -- assuming my readers are pretty much over 20 and you know what you're good at (even if you like to pretend you don't sometimes).

So now I want to reference a fantastic book by Larry Ackerman called The Identity Code. It's beautifully written (and thin!) and it's about finding your place and purpose in the world. The end of the chapters come with questions and exercises that are simple and focused on life purpose through the scope of personal identity. Before you get Fear-of-Woo-Woo know that Ackerman takes this stuff into Fortune 500 companies.

Anyway, somewhere in the beginning of the book (maybe the chapter called "The Myth of Personal Freedom and the Meaning of Identity"), he talks about something that loving parents have done that is actually very counter-productive. It's saying to children "You can do anything you want!" "You can be anything you want!"

Bullshit. Here's why. Nobody can be anything they want. I couldn't be any kind of biologist, I promise you. In high school I scored one point lower at the end of the year's competency exam as I did in the beginning. Yes, pretty lame but that gave me some good information: I love the process of elimination.

So, just as there is something each of us just couldn't do no matter how hard we tried ...  there is the converse: the achievements and fulfillment you have when you follow that which comes naturally and with a great deal of curiosty and interest.

Each of us has special strengths and talents and gifts.  I mean, we all know that right? And then, to be given so much freedom, to the tune of you can do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING  ... well. That sort of sucks doesn't it? Talk about overwhelm breakdown or just weaving right off the universal path laid down in front of you.

So when I say that I highly doubt you have undiscovered gifts, I mean that in a supportive, give-yourself-a-break way.

A lot of people are bobbing around in their life's ocean these days. Some are out of work or starting up a new biz or flirting with a new chapter or just wondering ....

But there are clues in our lives, like bread crumbs along a continuum of a lifeline, always there for reference.

Ambitions and identity and purpose all shift around a bit as we move through stages and ages -- and you're left walking down the street scratching your head wondering: What the -- ?

See what happens if you broke down everything that you loved and came easily to see the common threads. What would you see?

I highly, highly recommend taking Larry Ackerman's  The Identity Code and going through it; try doing it with a buddy. I did it with a great deep-thinking pal and it rocked. I understood why I had to do work that interacted with people. No more writer-for-hire sitting in a lonely corner, no matter how much I like to write. But I could merge them together.

Undiscovered, surprise gifts just waiting to bloom as you round the corner of 40, 50, etc? Probably not*. But how about this: You tapping strongly and purposefully into what you already have. You just need to reaquaint yourself with a few of the items in your treasure chest. And reorganize the tremendous gifts and curious inclinations you already have.

And from there -- tranform, change and grow.

Because as Rilke wrote, "You must change your life."

*Cover my ass moment here: Yes, I do believe in taking up new hobbies and artistic interests and at 70 painting a landscape picture and saying Jesus Christ I had no idea. My grandfather took up painting in his retirment. He also was part-owner of an art gallery as he drilled away as a dentist during the day. Hmmm.

Is It Better to Be Self-Employed?

It is really better to be self-employed than work at a j-j-job?

What a dumb question.

Of course it's better to be self-employed. You can set your own hours, go skiing on Fridays, answer to no one called The Man, take as much vacation time as you wish, work in your PJs, set your salary, name your price, burst out of all ceilings, glass or otherwise. You're free, baby.

And yet --

Being employed rocks! Regular pay checks, built-in community, insurance, 401ks, someone holding you to goals and gorgeous career arcs, there's this thing called work-life-balance that is so in this century, and did we mention the built-in community of people? Easy. You belong, man.

And the answer is --

But first a story that led to this noodling:

Today I walked into an old friend in my neighborhood. She asked what I was up to. I told her I was starting a couple of businesses. Her answer: "Oh, how nice to be self-employed. You can take walks when you want to, have lunch whenever you want, have your own time ..." I looked at her a bit in wonderment and she continued very dreamily. "Oh, it's sooo nice being self-employed."

I just said "Yes. Yes it is." I was tempted to say something like, "It's really nice to be self-employed and start up a business with 2.5 clients and have that whole money-earning challenge with the health insurance hassle and and and." But really, who wants to hear that sob story. No one held a gun to my head and made me do it all.

Plus, I liked her take on it much better.

But I did have this thought as I walked home. Neither one is better. If you look at Working for the Man vs. Working for Yourself without judgment or prejudice, they come out pretty evenly in the wash. One comes with a built-in sense of community and that financial care-taking comfort. Ah, that was lovely. And the politics. The other frees you of constructed corporate hoops and the possibility of working for a dumbell who gets by on charm and connections. Each work option has its advantages and disadvantages . 

And on this particular walk home it struck me that both end up being equally the same. The variables probably depend on the kind of personality you have, where you are in your life and your career and if circumstances have offered you an opportunity to start something on your own (recessions make entrepreneurs out of many of us).

It's only better to be self-employed if self-employment suits your personality and your stage of life. And it's probably great to be self-employed when you've got some time behind you and your biz is going along fantastically and you're going skiing on Fridays and enjoying the thrill and pride of making something that is yours and providing you a good life.

Otherwise, who can say which is better. I have ping-ponged back and forth over my life -- in jobs and on my own -- and enjoyed/dis-enjoyed them both equally, which may count for my reaction to the question.

But now I'm taking a stand in building my own business. I am striking out to become a "solopreneur" with a Web-based business (er, two actually). Which is exciting for sure. And it probably really, really suits me, even if it scares the bejuses out of me some nights. For example, I usually get bored in a job after a year or two and if I look at my work pattern over the last 25 years, there is more evidence to support a work life outside corporate America. But god did I try! And yes, sometimes I feel a bit like a loney-preneur. But one gets resourceful and finds some other solo-flyers and starts what I'm calling Salonpreneur gatherings.

So is it better to be self-employed?

That's your call.

Who Should You Listen To?

When you start something new, like a business or you have an idea for one, who do you listen to in collecting constructive feedback?

Because we can't just go out there and take the world by storm without testing it out and putting our idea out to the Proper Critical Feedback. So goes the local wisdom. And a lot of it makes sense. Still.

When is feedback too much AND  who and what do you listen to?

First off, see how your heart responds to the feedback. Follow the feedback and suggestions that resonate with you at a deep and immediate level. Someone may not get the thrust and focus of your idea in the first place, or may be projecting how he/she would do it and that may not jive with you. So screw 'em!

But here's something I've noticed: There is sometimes a piece of information that hits me strangely. It doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel horrible, it raises my curiosity and even suspicion. This often turns out to be a golden nugget of some kind of valuable information, even if I have to crack it in half and splice it with something else.

And know that the other advice that falls flat or you shake your head at vehemently and yet wonder hmm, hmm, hmmm... this piece may make sense at a later date and that's okay too. You can implement any or none of it how you choose to.

I think there is a combination platter of how new Ideas and Things come into the world: Idea incubates and then you bring it out to the world for feedback, a little trial and error (free classes or services or dress rehearsals with a safe collection of friends or colleagues). Think of a soft store opening, or going Beta.

And then it may be time to go back into incubation for refinement of your idea. Or need some time alone to think things through for the next move. A therapist once told me, New relationships need a lot of privacy in the beginning. Well maybe new ideas and biz creations and artistic creations do too.

Here is some great advice from Seth Godin about Critics That Matter. He compares one critic who makes a difference to  one who doesn't.

Maybe the budding entrepreneurs among us can keep this in mind while pushing forward on the path.

And remember: Some people like to give critical feedback for sport. Also, it's easier to articulate criticism than it is to give positive feedback; and criticism often makes people feel smart. And, helpful. Ha. Just keep this in mind. Soon enough you'll find your Right Trusted Advisors.

Now get out there and have fun creating your New Thing.