Don't be a Gratitude prisoner. Keep dreaming.

Lately I've been thinking about moving. And at the same time I'm trying to really deeply appreciate and squeeze out all the loving goodness of this splendid town of Seattle.

I don't know where I want to go, but I have a bit of wanderlust and I'm craving a change of pace. Maybe it will pass. And maybe not.

So I dream. Water is a big part of my dreamtown-scape. A big city, not. That's about all I know.

And today I got a big dose of Gratitude (does that word bug you a bit too, like a harp just chimed in?) about living in the Northwest. Here's what happened. Very simple, appealing to my water-lover self.

This morning I swam in a fresh-water lake at Madison Beach with Ruth, 7am. Later that morning I drove up to Vancouver, where I'm doing some coach training for several days.

By 3:30 pm, I was taking a dip in a refreshing salt-water bay, Deep Cove, in North Vancouver. I even put my tongue out to taste it.

Deep Cover, aka Deep Throat. I need memory cues.

So today I had a moment of capital-G Gratitude -  and I'm still going to dream about Where Else ...

I add the and for a reason.

Have you ever noticed how Gratitude can be passed around a bit like a T-spoon of "don't complain, love what you have and aspire for no more?" Now, I am a big believer in being totally in love with now now NOW and with what you have, those simplest things - but I admit - at times, I've been a bit of my own  gratitude prisoner, whereby I feel like I shouldn't reach for more. Be grateful. Now shut up. Go clean your room. And I won't talk about the times that don't serve you to be grateful and you're probably better off going to your front door and screaming like a crazy person about how f-ing pissed off you are and then go back inside and come up with a five-point plan to change it pronto.

So gratitude rocks. Deep appreciation and the moments of Oh Wow This is the Money Bite rocks. But that doesn't have to stop the dreaming and striving. While loving where you are. If that's what your body is asking from you.

So for today: I am happy to be living in this Northwestern Valhalla  and I'm going to keep dreaming of all the amazing other places on this great big globe of ours.

Peace, out.

Top Three Daily Life Happifying Needs

What are three Things that add to your general state of happiness if you do them every day? And are you doing them?

*If you're blocked, Happifying Things can include: 7 hours sleep; exercise; one meaningful human interaction; writing; drawing, cooking, meditating, making the bed, laughing with your kids ... you know.

But You Do Know

It's easy to say it. "I don't know." I don't know what I want.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know why I _________.

I just don't know.

Really?

But what if you did know. Imagine this:

A knowledge base deep inside you that for all the hours, days, months and years you've been alive,  it's been collecting and storing information based on all your experiences. This is the wise knowing you that knows.

It knows what you want. It knows what to do. It knows how you might begin getting there.

So, if you could suspend all disbelief and believe in this pool of knowledge -- even if just for one minute -- close your eyes, take a deep breath and PRETEND there is information coming to you from this juicy pool. If you open yourself up to the possibilities of answers to your I don't knows -- what are some of the answers?

This is about possibility. Commiting -- to yourself and your life. Stepping into an answer means you're willing to emerge from the security blanket of your I Don't Know. Let's face it: Just as it's frustrating to not know,  it's equally as comfortable to not know, too. Because then we don't have to take action. Or commit to anything, god forbid. (I admit, I fit into this last category).

So what if we all really know, but just don't give ourselves access to the information -- or the gift (or is it the confidence) of knowing?

Take one minute. As yourself one Fruitful Question that's been on your mind. Pretend you have an answer. If you're open to it you'll see it.

I recommend writing it down. Or doing a  freewrite. Ask yourself the question and you can use this line as a starter prompt:

"I do know I really know and the answer as I know it is ..." and let yourself free write without knowing where you're going. Writing always exposes us to something new. If you're open and write down the truth of what comes to you, there will be answers here.

You do know. We all do.

"Trust yourself. Then you will know how to live."                        --Goethe

Truth or Dare Writing Prompt

Here's a writing prompt that's also a dare.

Write about the thing you don't want to write about.

If you need some nerve to go for it -- as I did yesterday morning -- tell yourself you can throw the pages away or delete the files the minute it's done. (Mine is still there, and not so scary or threatening or embarrassing.)

Some years ago I noticed something while standing in my kitchen staring out to the lake. There were some things -- personal traits, qualities, longings, secret desires -- that I was embarrassed to admit to myself. And at this time there was this thing aka a moment of truth I was letting myself see. I'm not going to say what it was, but seeing it let me also catch it and deal with it and move on in a positive direction. 

Once you bust something, it's hard for it to take hold of you. It can't sit there in the dark corner scaring and taunting away.

Make sense?

If it doesn't, which makes sense, it might if you start writing down all the things you don't want to write down that you might find inside that beautiful Gucci luggage.  Open it up and let yourself see something you really want or desire or dream about or are afraid of. Write out every stinking detail.

Then tomorrow, you can write about what you found there.

You may be a bit more liberated.

If you need a prompt, start with:

Nobody knows about ... or I will never tell anyone including myself about ...

Remember: writing isn't lethal. It doesn't cause illness or obesity or natural disasaters. You won't get arrested (at least in this country) for writing it down. 

Think of your writing as the key that takes you to new places: scary, perhaps -- but always someplace new and unexpected.

Happy adventuring!

What Happened When I Didn't Answer It

So I took my my own suggestion from Friday's post and didn't answer a question.

It gave me such an unexpected lift. And it was so insignificant but I'm going to tell you about it anyway, just to inspire more Non-Answering of the Uninspiring Question.

Quick ass coverage: I do not promote being a withholding asshole. My aim is to promote more  Honest Not-Answering the Question Acts when just the idea of answering the question makes you feel bad. I am trying to make a universal deal among all of us that it's OK to not answer any question we don't want to, the same way we may not want to eat the brussel spouts. And you know I'm not talking about job interviews and other job-related scenarios, however it would be funny, huh?

So here's the skinny. It was Monday afternoon. I was at the dentist, anxious and cranky. The dental hygenist, who I've been seeing  for many years asked me the innocuous Question I Don't Want to Answer these days:

"So. What have you been up to?"

I knew it was coming but I hadn't planned anything.

 "Ooooohh, I don't really know how to answer that right now." Pause. Nervous laughter. "What about you, what have you been up to?"

And the conversation rambled on. Simple. The weird thing was this: I felt so good not answering the goddamn question -- and to have given myself an opt out plan while being nice about it. As a matter of fact, I found myself instantly cheerier. And in the middle of my teeth cleaning, for once it didn't hurt like a mo-fo and I became almost ecstatically happy, especially when I realized there was a Starbucks and a Pasta & Co. just down the street and I could kill two birds with one stone. Well. For a few moments, I thought I was on drugs or somthing.

I swear the mood roar of positivity came from not answering the question. And staying open at the same time, too.

Easy. Nice. Happifying

Now, your turn. Please share tales of Not Answering the Question. And have fun.

To Sleep, Perchance to Get a Sh*tload of Rest

I'd like to propose a little mid-life sleep appreciation.

Even as adults, there are some times in our lives when we just need extra sleep and rest.

Call these times what you will: transitions, periods of learning, thresholds, learning something new.

OK, so there's my theme. Learning and periods of change. But have you ever noticed how the learning and change process can really zap you?

By learning and change I mean: going back to school; intensively learning a new craft or art or professional skill. Or learning how to do something new in your daily life, like raise a child (I know, nobody gets the sleep they need here) or how to manage a team at work, or how to swim 20 length of the pool without stopping. Or getting your ass kicked going through one of life's lovely rough spots -- change, growth, etc.

So. In my twenties I lived in NYC and could be a bit of a tough bitch. I used to say "sleep was for babies." Now I am that baby. And right now my baby self is learning a bunch of new stuff (coaching, starting a business) and there's  only one way for me to metabolize it all and deal. Sleep a bit more than usual.

I tried to fight it for a while but last week I just gave in. It feels pretty good too.

What's more rest than ususal? For starters, sleeping in. Getting up at 6:30 or 7am isntead of  5-stinkin'-thirty to swim every morning (sometimes a girl just needs a break).  A nap on weekends. And some other random rest times that I'll keep to myself. Yes, last week I gave in and felt like a total rack monster. But Monday morning I woke up with a smile on my face because I was so well rested. Often, when my alarm goes off in the 5's, the first word that comes to me is a swear word.

Even so. Do I feel a bit like a good-for-nothing lazy person who may be covering up a case of the blahs or melancholy or just plain avoidance? Hell yeah! But when I asked myself if it could be something else -- that my body is really screaming out for extra rest to recoup, well -- that sounded like the real reason. The healthy reason. (Screw you, puritanical work ethic!)

This is just to say: Sometimes we just need a bit more sleep, rest and recoup time. If you're the type of person that pushes yourself through these phases with doubt and suspicion about the need to sleep, here' s a question for you:

What might life feel like if you treated yourself (and your family members) to some extra rest and recovery time -- every once in a while?

It may come back to save you.

Happy sleeping!

What's Better: To Overcome or Become?

To overcome a challenge is a wonderful American act. Impressive, filled with fortitude and perseverance.

Or is there a better, easier way to move through challenges? Today in coach training class we talked about our thoughts on becoming vs. overcoming.

Most of us agreed that to overcome something in life sounded really hard. I got the image of Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill over and over again. Pretty joyless, too.

But to become sounds like creating, and enjoying the process.  Becoming focuses on a solution, something positive; overcoming focuses on the problem, aka. a big, fat bummer.

Then there's the totally un-fun image of  overcoming: I see a clenched jaw, pursed lips and my eyes closed while I walk slowly against high winds and bad weather. It's just struggling, struggling to go through. I am enduring.

I hate the act of enduring. It feels like a duty, without a trace of creativity or imagination anywhere. (Although some periods of life do call upon enduring skills.)

The act of being, or becoming feels like living from a space of inspiration: putting my hands together to see who I can call on for collaboration or wise words and what I can create to move through a time that's filled with stupid challenges luscious new opportunites. One small cool-ass step at a time.

If you're one of the new masses who's chanting: "Enjoy the process" -- then being rather than overcoming can be your ticket to the enjoying part.

With all that in mind: Who would you be if you focused on the thrill of becoming rather than the agony of overcoming?