“I don’t want to!”

2010 September 14
by Tatyana

NOyesNOyesNO

Some days my heart is filled with “I don’t want to.”

It often starts at 5:10 a.m. when my alarm goes off for swimming. Most days I am able to talk myself out of the first gasp of Noooooo and get my ass out of bed and to the pool, telling myself, “Of course you’re unhappy now but you’ll be fine in about ten minutes.” And 90% of the time, it’s true. 

It seems for many of us, the trick of life is facing down the No’s, or at least holding them while going through the actions to the Yes. This includes moods. Sometimes I’m not in a great mood, but if I act friendly and positive and generous to people I’m around, pretty soon I feel A-OK (or at least better).

Lately I’ve been in a big I-Don’t-Want-To mood. The upside is, I’m doing more of the things I really love to do (seeing the friends I want to see rather than filling time up by networking and doing other “shoulds”).

The trick with the “I Don’t Want To’s” is knowing when it’s just an agitated inner child and to just smile through it, and when it’s time to really Not Do It.

Like everything in life, that knowing is a finely honed skill.

Do you know when to listen to your “I don’t want to” vs moving through the initial resistance with tenderness and patience?

Sometimes I do, sometimes it takes a while to come around.

When my niece was three, she had four favorite words:

“I no want to!”

So honest, so human. I feel those words some days, I really do. Some days I even say them out loud.

2 Responses leave one →
  1. September 14, 2010

    My version is “I donwanna!” inevitably followed by “and you can’t make it”. I can’t help but laugh at myself and the child inside who really DOES know what she wants.

  2. September 14, 2010

    I agree, there is something cute and lovable — and funny — about that tantrumy kid.

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