They have their differences, like any couple.

Let’s say in a moment of high tension, Jane doesn’t know how to reconcile one of thse differences, where she might like to be out in the world more than Dick.

Sometimes in these inner reconciliations, the trick is to accept the differences, even when you can’t believe someone else doesn’t want to experience the world YOUR way which is, of course, the best and only way among rational people, at least just one way to do things.

So  Jane decides to release her frustration and writes about it, which she often does in email fyi, in a sort of fast free-write loose poem-y kinda thing.
And to her rescue–a storified metaphor.

he is the domestic bird, a robin, who hops around the neighborhood exploring, poking around, but just adventuring from tree to tree

when i put it that way he sounds adorable

i sound highfalutin and while eagles are magestic and all they seem like they’d make difficult and selfish friends

hey–i like bopping around the neighborhood, too!

In about one minute, Jane sees Dick and herself in a new light.

The metaphor creates distance as well as a fun image.

Try it

If you feel frustrated about something, sit down and write out in sentences how you see the situation. To create metaphors, or story images, you can start each sentence with a phrase like:

“Let’s pretend…”
“It’s a bit like ….”
“I feel like …” (and try to use concrete words and nouns instead of abstractions)
“Once upon a time …”

See what kind of surprise you can write for yourself. Sometimes writing is the best key out of the prison of self.

Chirp chirp!

What are my ambitions?

In truth, I was trying to point to a fire in my belly that would become the story arc of some successful proud-worthy end-goal.

After a conversation with a wise elder, I came to this:

Sometimes ambition lies in the desire to take a photograph of a beautiful bowl of Meyer Lemons –

–and after saying the word “ambition” out loud a few times, it started to sound like a crow squack in the middle of a beautiful song.

What if a sublime portrait of a pile of lemons up against a blue wall is enough?

Drawing by Hugh Macleod

A friend posed a question about something she called rainbows and pots of gold.

What happens when you arrive at your own personal pot of gold? A place you’ve been working steadily toward for years and years.

Now what?

Life is rich with Trickster-ism: We want That Job, That Mate, That Bank Account, That Holiday, That Sports or Artistic Accomplishment, the Body. And then, we get it.

Hooray!

<Gulp>

And then we are left with the blushifying horror of:  Now what?

Why is this? Here’s a theory:

It’s about losing a travel buddy, a companion in the form of Longing

That eye-on-the-prize striving you’ve been intimately carrying around with you for years — it’s been like a dear travel companion. Once you arrive at your destination, you and this buddy-in-longing must part. And one of the harsh truths of life sets in: With every gain there’s a loss. You’ve lost that longing feeling and companionship.

Let’s sit with that for a little bit. OK, now let’s move on with some questions to fill up on.

• How can you start building the next gorgeous brilliant dream-worthy vision of your life as you savor your arrival?

• How can you start creating layered goals, creating a staggered posse of pot-of-gold destinations for yourself?

Once you reach one dream, don’t stop dreaming.  Anticipate your arrival and plan for the emotional uprising of What Now-ness–and a personal celebration.

Give yourself  time to savor where you have been and the the path you’ve travelled. Reminisce like you would over a trip through France–draw, write, tell stories to an interested ear about all the amazing experiences and steps along the way. You may need to remember them for the next beautiful destinations you dream up for yourself.

This is also another way of saying: If may appear like a content-driven life but the juice is in the process. Don’t forget to taste the sweetness.

The thing with Eeyores is, it could be sunny out and they’d be all, like, “It’s probably going to rain tomorrow.”

What possibly could go wrong?

Everything, and you better be ready.

For some reason, in our popular western culture, so many of us prepare ourselves for the worst. Even in little ways, like:

You think you’ll get the job, but you “don’t want to jinx it.” Stuff like that.

And in today’s world climate it’s probably happening more.

But the truth is — this kind of thinking and internal activity doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t help you prosper as an individual, in relationships, or in your work — because you’re too busy worrying. And worrying is so self-conscious and consuming.

But how do you get out when you’re stuck on a negative spin?

For starters, let’s turn some of our Eeyorean “What Ifs” on their heads and happy-fy them.

If the idea scares you — because it happens — make yourself a deal: try it for a week, a month, as long as you can, and then give yourself the option of returning to old worries. You may find it harder and less interesting to return to old ways–at least with your former vengeance.

So, let’s get started.

1. Start with the big fat downer but totally human What If:

• What if on the walk to coffee a bus hits me and …
• What if my boss is in a bad mood, hates my idea and fires me (or worse, publically humiliates me)?
• What if my teenager runs away to join a sex-and-drug cult and steals all my Rolling Stones records?
• What if [fill in your bad-case scenario here]?

2. Replace your favorite negative What If with kinder, friendlier, more creative and adventurous ones, eg:

• What if I could flap my arms and fly, where would I go?
• What if I go for it, believe in myself and present my ideas to the boss, what if she likes them–what if she works with me to make it better?!
• What if I ask my kid to go for a walk with me and see how many roses we could smell?
• What if I prepare for success and creating wonderful experiences for myself and others — rather than protect myself by preparing for disappointment and tragic life consequenes?

Which What Ifs give you a lift, a kick to your step, help you sleep better, and motivate you more?

Which ones have a better chance of happening?

Which ones are dramatic boogie men?

Which ones are benevolent spirit-builders?

What if???

But I still work with clients who put their Lifey-Life stuff over there, and their Worky-work stuff over here.

Of course they KNOW one affects the other, but there still seems to be a big barbed compartmentalizing-wired fence between the two.

I have always sucked at compartmentalizing, and I used to feel like a weak victim of my emotional life because when something was going down in my personal life I couldn’t keep the mood out of my professional life. Of course, we’ve all leaned on things like jobs as anchors and levelers when other sh*t is kicking our emotional arses from here to kingdom come.

The point being–back to integration and whole systems–is, when you look at your life as a whole, you may have more luck finding deep satisfaction in playing all the parts with each other, instead of against each other. And feel like you have more choice, more room to move, more possiblities.

I was in a chronic head banging situation for years because I wanted to find that one thing and drive it home for decades to come. Which wasn’t me. I do a few different things for work, just as I like to swim various strokes, and do various sports and read various types of books. How about you? Have you ever wrestled with goals that just weren’t YOU? (But sounded like nice, easy ones to have?)

Here’s a little something mind-sparking on the topic, from David Whyte’s The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self and Relationship:

“In many ways, work must be a marriage; otherwise, why would we put up with so much over the years? We must have made hidden vows somewhere to follow something larger than the difficulties of the everyday.”

I love the hidden vows part. It’s like busting the mystery of the stuggle — it’s there, god knows why but let’s make it glorious and give in to the current of … OUR PERSONAL wonderful struggle.

So here’s the thought, question, adventure of the mind for you:

What if work and life aren’t separate things that need to be compartmentalized but INSTEAD are part of an ongoing conversation that shapes our identity through time?
What if work is another higher marriage, a commitment to ourselves in how we express ourselves in whatever falls under the umbrella of “life’s work”?
How do we express our true selves in the daily life tasks of our work and jobs?

PS: I do use the words “career” and “job” and “profession” — usually when I’m talking to others because I do value connection and communication.

But in my personal world, it’s called my Life’s Work, — and that word Work is broad and encompassing and ever-changing. It’s what I do day-in, day-out. Some for money, some of it not. It’s important to have the right percentage of paying work though, we’re not martyrs here!

What is the engine of ambition? Why are some of us so much more driven then others? How do you know if it’s positively or negatively charged?

And what happens when you lose it?

In my late Thirties I felt like I lost my old hungry professional ambitions.

I was also in grad school, but something else was happening.

My ambitions were changing.

What really mattered to me was more in the spirit of relationships, and the outward exchange of my inner betterment with the outside world. I suppose some might call it personal growth. I was also writing a lot of poetry, and I was ambitious in the area of sonnets. It brought some fun collaborations but in the more Alpha world, where did that leave me?

So I’ve come to look at Ambition as a guide. It can give me information, as in: Hmm, this seems to be calling at me, what’s it asking of me, where could I go with this, does this fit in with my values?

And I also can sense when I’m in one of those liminal spaces of initiation and transformation: My Ambitions are in a bit of a fade-out which unnerves me but also allows me to give up some old ways and habits that don’t serve me anymore and evolve into a New, Improved (!!) version of myself (I almost wrote “product”).

If any of this rings a bell with you, here’s a question to ask yourself:

How can you harness all your delicious curiosity, and explore this passage of time as though you’re your own private eye,  and see what you discover?

Write, draw, read, pay attention to images and people who show up and see how they may be wagging their fingers at you to walk in a new direction.

Will it be scarey? Perhaps.

Will it be worth it?

ABSO-FRICKIN-LUTELY.

Evolve, babies, evolve, that’s what we’re here for. And enjoy the process.

XO

Kids, like my niece, Taya, can tap into states of happiness so naturally.

Happiness is everywhere.

Is that stressing you out?

In the last ten years there has been a stream of books and cultural awareness on the topic of Happiness, why we have it, why we don’t and what makes people generally happy (connections seems to be an important one).

And as Americans, it’s our god-given right to be in pursuit of it. And how dare we NOT be happy. Well many of us are becoming more comfy confessing to non-happy states of being.

The point being–whether you scoff at the idea of happiness, feel like you’re in constant pursuit of it, “Happiness” is not going away.

And so, I propose this:

Define what Happiness means to you.

One of the best definitions of happiness I’ve heard goes something like this: “Being at peace with yourself among people in the world.”

Maybe the “at peace” was really “content”–either way, that was broad and human enough for me to go Sign Me Up!

Here’s a book about one writer’s year-long experiment with daily life practices to up her happiness:

The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin.

I like it because it’s filled with practical, real-world anecdotes, and anchors itself in a philosophy that Happiness isn’t something you passively wait for to float out of the clouds once you achieve a state of grace. Happiness, Rubin asserts and shows us, comes from intentional daily life efforts.

I have often defined happiness as a gaseous by-product, like a steaming lake on a cold morning, of gratitude. However, I like the idea of creating a more constant definition of happiness for oneself, rather than a fits-and-starts one.

At any rate–some food for happiness thoughts. And remember, we all have a right to our blue times because life, let’s face it, can be a bitch at times. Don’t fight it. The hero’s journey teaches us that that the deep dark times are rich and fruitful–and what goes down also comes up!

And Happiness, however you define it, will be waiting for you when you’re good and ready!

XO
Tatyana

What if you invested shorter bursts of time to feel like YAHOO this?

“Well it’s better than nothing …”

And sometimes, that little bit of something is better than nothing. Maybe that hateful slog of a slo-mo run is better than nothing; maybe showing up to your office and just getting through the g-d day is better than nothing. Maybe a fast, careless creative session of writing or drawing is better than nothing. Maybe a quick conversation with your teen is better than nothing.

But is it true? Let’s say you’re having a low mojo day like I am today. Isn’t it easy to say, especially on a Monday, “As long as I show up and just get through this godforsaken day I’m a star!”

Well screw that, I say. I want to go to bed feeling like I at least did something well. And by “well” I mean, I made an effort to do something that makes me feel accomplished at the end of the day, especially something I want to put off, like: this blog post, or concentrating for a good hour with all my attention on a pain-in-the-ass work project, or getting outside for a brisk half hour walk.

I don’t know about you but I may have used up about all the half-assed days I want to. (OK, I know there will be more but I’m willing to keep them to a minimum.)

Here’s another (sports) example of doing something small with a big effort:

Last month I bailed on my longer sloggier runs for a two-mile run at the track. I would NEVER have done something like this, ordinarily. And I wasn’t really in a running mood, either. So I turned on RunTracker on my iPhone so I could get a virtual coach telling me how fast I was going for some inspiration.

I ran those two miles. And I ran them, fast– faster than I ever thought I could run. It was exhilarating! My body felt alive and proud of itself, my mind felt alert, my spirit was humming. Compared to those 4-6 mile joyless slogs, this was by far a better use of time. My body felt good the next day too. My chiro told me it was because running fast puts your body in a good position, rather than being slow and sloggy, where you have bad form, bad posture and stress the body. Interesting, eh?

And now, when I am having a low-mojo Monday, I ask myself:

Where can I have a two-mile burst of greatness?

So my invitation to you:

How can you do Something that is so much better than Nothing, that it shows you what you’re made of?

Have fun!

I was at the eye doctor.

I was shuttled from one waiting room to another between various eye-check pit stops.

I had been there for two hours. I was losing two hours’ worth of pay. I was pacing the room. I was pissed. I was practicing the dialogue I wanted to say to SOMEONE about how rude it is of doctors to disrespect people’s time, do they not think our time is valuable too? How about paying me for the time I’ve wasted in your goddamn waiting rooms, etc etc.
Sound familiar?

And then, in swooped some little angle of mercy of sorts, a voice that said: What if, instead of greeting whoever walks in here next with a force of fury, you greet her with excitement. Because that’s true too. I would be extremely happy and excited to see her.

I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to let my sulk and frustration be known. But I was game to try something new. I needed a lift as well.

The woman walked in and I jumped up and down and clapped my hands (a move I borrowed from the movie The Triplets of Belleville), and squealed with delight how excited I was to see her.

We had a wonderful interaction and a few laughs. Later on, someone apologized to me and I saw how she was struggling through her day. I told her to have a WONDERFUL day and left the doctor’s office with love and lightness in my heart.

Just because instead of getting mad, I did something different.

I share this with you just because something like this might work for you.  I am not that great of a sport. I am not that forgiving, but I’d rather be happy than right. In that quest, I’m willing to try new things.

How about you?

Happy May and sunny days, inside and out.

Creative girls trying on their rock star voices.

… NOT being creative.

In other words, why is it that  creatively ambitious and productive behavior is considered out of the ordinary, while settling for uncreative thinking and activity is considered the norm — acceptable even?

My theory that I proselytize over and over is: If you’re human, your innate calling is to express yourself creatively in some way and when you’re not, you suffer. We all suffer. It’s just that “being creative” is attributed to a small kitty of people in our communities.

Good news: creativity is being increasingly heralded as the greatest attribute in businesses and teams and among leaders. Bad news: in times of hardship and recessions (like now), creativity gets thrown in the backseat while we fumble to survive.  Stress and creativity do not support each other well.

So how do you most want to express yourself? The answers to this question might be the starting point to get you thinking, acting, feeling more creative. It could be the fruitful question that gets you moving away from repressed stress and toward a freer way of moving in the world that feels like YOU. And THAT is creativity.

This post was inspired by a quote by the psychologist Abraham Maslow:

The key question isn’t “What fosters

creativity?” but it is why in God’s name isn’t

everyone creative? Where was the human

potential lost? How was it crippled? I think

therefore a good question might be not why do

people create? But why do people not create or

innovate? We have got to abandon that sense of

amazement in the face of creativity, as if it were

a miracle if anybody created anything.

—Abraham Maslow